I am lucky to have an amazing support system.
I have my Mom who is my cheerleader/personal chauffeur/best friend/cookie maker/incredible person, my Papa who fixes everything for me and is always a good sounding board for advice, Pedro who is most likely the world's most patient and kind boyfriend, Moose (yes I am including him) who is the greatest listener (shut up) and most fun playmate and walking buddy, I have great friends who are always a Skype call or Facebook message away and always leave me the sweetest and most inspiring messages, my new bloggy friends who are so inspiring and magical and a great therapist who earns her $20 copay (thanks Tufts!) fifty times over.
Yet sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I sabotage myself. And quite frankly, I make myself feel like shit.
Where everyone else sees something admirable or beautiful, I sometimes see only flaws. When I slip up, I kick myself a thousand times over and find out days later that no one had even noticed my "failure".
You would think this would totally make me snap out of it and start appreciating myself a bit more, right?
In theory... Maybe. But in reality? I have been having a tough time lately.
Work has been kicking my ass a bit, I have been feeling a little extra pudgier lately, have had a bit of a decrease in energy and have been super stressed. All these factors together cause me to stress more, eat worse, drink more coffee, stay up late or wake up super early (hello 4am) and generally just be off my game.
And I know that life is a roller coaster and there's ups and downs and whatnot and so forth and henceforth and whatever. That's cool, I get it. But lately, all I want to do is get back to more of a lazy river kind of ride. Like a nice, gentle float and not a plunging spiral.
So I am going to dedicate May to celebrating myself a bit more. And appreciating myself. And not to dedicating myself to a low-carb diet or zumba classes three times a week and losing 18 pounds in a month because at the end of the day, I can fix all these "flaws" on my outside but still feel like crap on the inside. And my brilliant theory is to work on myself from the inside out.
And that process starts one small step at a time. I know I am a beautiful, smart, talented, hilarious person but sometimes I get vulnerable and it's okay. Because part of loving and appreciating myself is also letting myself learn to accept the love I know I deserve. And the most important person that needs to love me is me.
I feel like there should be a Lifetime movie and/or Shania Twain song about this post. Thoughts?