My Boyfriend Thinks I am a Lesbian

Yesterday over a fancy-shmancy lunch over at Friendly's with mah boo, we saw a young woman walk in wearing nothing but booty shorts and a sports bra. Pedro is very well-trained and quickly averted his eyes and said something to the effect of "You are so much prettier". Basically I trained him in the Pavlovian tradition but instead of using bells to trigger him, it would be any and all human beings who happened to own vaginas. 

Anyways, I saw her and was like "Ohemgee look at her abs! They are gorgeous". And indeed they were. Then I was like, "She looks like some celebrity who has really full lips, too." and then I spent like 30 minutes Googling celebrities with nice abs and big lips. All the while Pedro is staring at me and wondering if he should be concerned. 

I have a weird obsession with staring at pictures of girls for long periods of time. And sure I could totally be gay but I have zero sexual interest when I look at these pictures. I basically just stare at them the same way I would stare at a couple of chickens playing Marco Polo- in complete and utter fascination. 

Here is a video demonstration of basically every thought that goes through my head when I see a good-looking or even mildly attractive woman pass by way:

Jenna Marbles basically captures every feeling inside me. 

And explains it in a way much more eloquently than me telling Pedro.. "Mm I don't think I am gay but I do picture most girls I see completely naked and wonder what kind of moisturizer they are using to give them that dewy skin."

So whatever. Maybe like I have lesbian eyes because I sure as hells spend about 99% of my time looking at girls online and 1% looking at Ryan Gosling and that's only because I am a meme whore.

Here's some social work humor for you.