How To Have a Productive Day Off

Now that I am in school, at an internship three times a week and working, I have basically become a slave to the establishment. My hours of endlessly pretend online shopping where I would fill my cart with $500 worth of clothes just to exit out of that browser three hours later are sadly over. 

If you can even believe it, I haven't even watched a polar bear YouTube clip in like two weeks. #sadbuttrue

So this new schedule has forced me to be more aware of my time management skills (or lack thereof) and try to become a productive person. 

This past day off I noticed I had been really productive and because I am nothing if not generous, I decided to share with you my tips for being productive. 

How To Have a Productive Day Off

So on my day off I woke up at 5:30am like every other day the past two weeks. Because of that damn internal clock (and the fact I forgot the turn my alarm clock off for that day) I woke up determined to conquer the day and whatnot. 

So first is breakfast. But I am too lazy so I decide to hold off on that and drink some water instead and hop on the couch. 

Two hours of Family Guy and I have decided it is time for breakfast. Let's make an omelet. 

I chop up some onions and they start to make me cry. Back to the couch for more Family Guy. 

Now it's 8:00am. Mmm I should go to the gym. And because I wear gym clothes the minute I get home every day for the sheer comfort and joy I get out of basically getting to wear spanx in public, I am all set to go. Oh, but I need to put on my contacts and still brush my teeth. That sounds like a daunting task, let's just sit on the couch some more and think about it. 

Family Guy. 

I realize it's closing 10:30am. I am hungry. I decide to just combine breakfast and lunch to optimize my time and productivity and continue on with my omelet creating adventure. Onion is chopped. I could add mushrooms but that would require more chopping and if I am to be productive today, I can't waste my time chopping. Onion omelette it is. 

I eat my delicious omelette and now decide, due mainly to the onions, it is time to brush my teeth finally. 

Contacts can wait. 

Now I need to clean. I do three dishes and quickly get exhausted. Even though I am having a productive morning so far, it is tiring. A nap may be in the cards today. 

Okay, fine. Let's take a nap. 

A nap turns into three hours and it is now 2pm. Should I go to the gym now? It will probably be empty.

Or I could clean. I read in Marie Claire that cleaning can burn like 5,000 calories or something. That seems like a more productive use of my time. 

Clean three more dishes. Spray Lysol on couch. Shuffle random papers into one pile. 

I decide to reward my productivity with some time online to catch up on the news and educate myself so I can be an even more productive and contributing member of society. 

I spend the next two hours on DogShaming.com. 

It's 5pm now and I am hungry. All that work has stirred up my appetite. It is my day off after all, so let's go gourmet. I make boxed macaroni and cheese and by the time my labor is done, I decide that I can leave the dishes for tomorrow. But because I am productive and whatnot I DO put some water and soap in them to let them "soak" for the next 8 days. 

Now I realize Pedro will be coming home from work soon. Should I shower? That doesn't sound productive. I grab the Lysol and twirl around in the anti-bacterial toxic fumes. Now I smell like roses that have been sitting too long in a hospital room. Perfect. 

All this hard work and macaroni and cheese has tuckered me out. I decide to reward my productivity with some couch time while I watch some more Family Guy and wait for Pedro to get home so I can tell him all about my awesomely productive day. 

And that's how it is done folks. 

Please- do not feel pressured to try and compete with this at all. Achieving this level of productivity has taken me years to master. It is a delicate balance between hard work and making sure you take some time out of your day for "me time" where you can just re-center yourself and focus on nature and whatever. If you guys do have any questions for me, please leave them in the comments and I will do my best to respond to them in a timely fashion but as you can see above- my days are VERY busy so it may take 5-7 weeks.