7 Things I Do That Make Me an Annoying Person

I like to think I am pretty damn perfect. As I remind Pedro on a daily basis, I am a pretty fantastic catch.

Need proof? 

I am smart. I went to a great undergrad and am getting my Masters. 

I dress pretty well. 

I have cool red hair. 

I know how to read. 

I can cook rice. 

I speak four languages. 

I regularly trim my nails. 

I'm sophisticated because I put my napkin on my lap. 

And so on and so forth... You get that idea.

But I am also insanely annoying and do have some few minor flaws. And because I am unashamed and have really no sense of pride, I have decided to share my lovely flaws with you. Enjoy!

1. I will take food off your plate but I will murder you and all your offspring if you even touch anything off of my plate. 

I know. I am an awful person. I just hate when people stick their fork and grab something off my plate. I'm possessive and weird. I will gladly share anything off my delicious looking plate, but I will need to use MY fork to retrieve said item and then I will personally, hand deliver it to your plate. Got it?

2. On a related note, I always regret what I end up ordering and want to switch it. 

As I am typing this, I am really beginning to appreciate the people in my life who put up with this shit. 

But yes, it's true. I get plate envy and always will end up giving you puppy eyes until you change plates with me. I don't do this one with strangers, so consider yourself a dear friend if I make you switch plates with me or else I'll leak those photos I took of you passed out on the toilet. 

3. I look up gross videos on YouTube and make you watch them. 

I have a weird, disgusting habit of watching people popping pimples on YouTube. It's nasty and gross and yet, I do it. It's shameful. And if it's really nasty I am going to make you watch it and then discuss it with me. 

I was going to include one here, but then I decided that was just mean. See, I am nice sometimes. 

4. I need to sit in the center at the movie theatre. 

I have a weird thing about movie theatres. I need to sit in the absolute center. And yes, I count rows to figure it out. Maybe I have OCD? Maybe I'm just obnoxious? It is a mystery. 

5. I cry and demand consolation immediately. 

If you see a tear forming or any sort of wetness in my eyes, console me godamnit! And yes, I cry at every movie we watch. And yes, I will sob whenever we go to see a Nicolas Sparks movie. And yes, I may ask you to leave the film to go and get me napkins to dry up the little puddle of tears but you will gladly go because 1) it's easier than dealing with me insanely sobbing in a movie theatre while complete strangers judge you and 2) you could use a break from the movie. Let's be real, it's a Nicolas Sparks movie. He had A Walk to Remember and The Notebook. Then it all went downhill. 

6. I will trap you into saying something so that I can get upset about it and make you apologize profusely so that I feel better about myself.

Example: "Baby, do I look fat in this?" 

"No"

"But don't you think it makes my stomach look big"

"No"

"So you think it looks good?"

"Yes"

"Even though it makes my stomach look big?"

"Yes"

"SO YOU THINK MY STOMACH LOOKS BIG?"

.... Silence followed by 10 minutes of you explaining how beautiful I am. 

7. I will tell you all the ways you can die according to the latest CSI or Law & Order: SVU episode I saw

Oh, you invited me out for a party at a friend's house you met through your job? Sounds to me like it's a set up for him to savagely rape you and then saw your body into pieces and distribute said pieces all throughout Western Massachusetts. You want to explore that cool new bar downtown? Mmm yeah, that's just a front for a human trafficking Albanian mob and they will roofie you and put you in a shipping container bound for Yugoslavia. 

I'm a buzzkill of the worst sort. 

I was going to continue this list all the way up to 10 but then I realized how awful of a person I sound at number 7 so I will give you and myself a break. I hope you all feel horrible for liking my blog in the past now that you know a slightly psychotic, emotionally unstable and mildly insecure girl/woman is the one writing it. But hey, everyone has flaws. 

Right?

Story of My Life in 10 Simple Questions

I have been blogging over here for like... 3 months? And I have gotten numerous emails asking for me to write more about myself because apparently, lots of people are fascinated by me.*

So I found this cool "Story of My Life in 10 Simple Questions" that a lot of the other cool and hip bloggers seemed to be doing and I thought, "Why not? I'm cool. I'm hip." So here goes:

1. If you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?

Can I be annoying and say nothing? I can? Ok- so nothing. I really think that everything happens for a reason and I have seen that play out several times throughout my life. When I think things aren't working out, something amazing comes out of it. Case in point: when I was frustrated because I had planned to move abroad and was waiting for my passport to arrive so I could get the H outta town, I ended up meeting the love of my life. Things happen for a reason so when things go "wrong", I have to trust that something better is coming around soon. Easier said than done, of course, but I do believe it. 

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In 5 years it will be 2018. In addition to my sincere hope that we have flying cars, I hope to be a homeowner. I will have graduated from grad school and be in my 3rd year of working as a social worker. I hope I make above $40,000 and have some savings in my IRA. I will be 29 so I hope I have already started using my night creams and wrinkle removers. I hope I am cured of my Lyme. And maybe, I will have a little kid in tow. I hope in 5 years I have a baby actually. And I hope it's in wedlock so I guess I will be married in 5 years (come on Pedro.... where my ring at?)

3. Do you honestly want kids?

For sure. I have so much knowledge to impart on the world and why not start with a little infant who literally has to listen to me for 18 years? And I know with Pedro's caramel skin and my luscious Jew mane, we will make either a gorgeous mocha baby or this: 

I'm hoping for the former. 

4. What has been the best moment of your life so far?

Meeting this guy:

Cheesy, I know. But I don't know where I would be without him. He's my rock. He's the messiest person I know and he has a questionable jalapeno addiction, but I guess I'll keep him. 

5. What is your life theme song?

No reason. Just because.

6. What is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?

I would like to do some athletic-y just to prove I can. Like run a 5k in under one hour. That would be enough to satisfy me. Otherwise I want to travel the world with Pedro and just explore. Maybe find a mummy or some gold nuggets along the way. That would be fun, too. 

7. If you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?

Is it bad that I would rob a bank? Just to do it... And I am assuming no consequences means I get to keep the money too? I feel like I am totally misinterpreting this question and in reality, it is a very deep question that I am far too shallow to comprehend. 

8. If you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?

I would love to be known for how compassionate and giving I am. I would want to be remembered as a helper and a giver. I would also like to be known as the best couponer that ever lived- but I am working on that one. 

9. What has been the most challenging moment in your life?

It has actually been this past month. I have been struggling a lot with this diagnosis and the awful reactions from the medicines. Every day has been a bit of a struggle and there have been some pretty low lows. I have probably cried every day this month and luckily I have such an amazing support team there to wipe my tears. I have such a long journey ahead but I have the best cheerleaders in the world. 

10. Summarize yourself in one word.

Brave. I don't feel brave every day but it is something I am striving for. 

*In the interest of full disclosure, I feel I must admit that I actually have not received any emails requesting that I write for about myself, but I have an inkling that a lot of people are interested.... Right? You're interested?