19 August 2013

Oh, Just That One Time I Hid in the Target Dressing Room and Cried to my Mom

I am gullible.

I will believe 99.78% of what is told to me out there in the world. In my job, I believe about 33.57% of what is told to me because that's just my clientele. For some reason, in my real life I am the most gullible and trusting person in the world while at work I am like a freaking CIA agent and can read people within 10 seconds.

Go figure.

Anyways, I was lackadaisically (SAT word) roaming through Target Friday night when a pair of kids (read: they were probably no more than 18 years old. But I am 24 now so anyone under the age of 23 is now a kid) approached me and asked if they could ask me a few questions. I said, "Sure" because let's face it, it was Friday night and I was at Target all alone (read: I was looooooonely).

They both had those sticker Target nametags with their names, one for the girl Mahia and one for the boy, Jimmy.

They asked me all these questions that were super flattering, like "Your hair is gorgeous. Do you curl it?" And I was all like "Oh my gosh (giggle) No... I do brush it sometimes, though".

They then proceeded to tell me about how they were company reps selling curling wands in Target. These were super nice high quality curling irons, too. Not that cheap Conair crap. These ones retailed for $200.

I oohed and ahhed with them.

The thing was, they told me, they had only one more left to sell for the night and they were going to give me a great price for it. Only.... $20. They wouldn't even make commission! They were just tired and really wanted to go home and unlike me, probably had plans that involved more than a bag of Tostitos.

So.... I looked into their pleading eyes and I was like, "Why not?" It's only $20 (which I am in absolutely NO position to say because finding $20 in a pocket for me is liking find the Holy Grail. Last week I found $10 in my pants pocket and legitimately one tear of happiness slowly rolled down my cheek. It was beautiful). So I tell them I will take it (well I technically already had it since they shoved it in my hands and made me open it so I could ooh and ahh with them).

Then they were all like, "Oh well you need to pay here with us. But don't worry it's cool." And because I am 24 years old and wanted to impress a bunch of teenagers who actually were dressed in appropriate clothes and not sweatpants with bleach stains all over them I whipped out my debit card and they were grabbed it and swiped it on their iPhones with one of those square payment things (OMG so cool!) and then I was like "Oh, um do I get a receipt?" and they were like "Sure, we'll email it to you" which totally seemed like an appropriate answer at the time.

Keep in mind this all happened in about 5 minutes. Yes, it is THAT easy to win me over. It was pathetic.

Then they kind of did a run-jog out the door and I am holding a basket of Tostitos, tampons and a curling wand and then the whole "Ohh what the fuccccccck" kind of happened so I grabbed this nasty neon peplum shirt and ran into the dressing room and did the only rational thing I had done all night: called my Mom.

I was like dry-sobbing which is when I make crying noises but no liquid comes out of my eyes. It is incredibly weird and disturbing to watch.

"Mommmmmmmmmm I think I just got scammed." I proceeded to tell her what happened. I literally could hear her head shaking. She then told me to call my credit card company right away and dispute the charges and then I was all like, "But what if it's legit. They looked like good kids! And they told me my hair looked pretty!!" to which she shook her head again (I swear you can hear it over the phone). She then asked me how much was in my bank account and after I told her, this was her answer: "Oh then if it's only that, then you should be OK" as in YOU HAVE NO MONEY IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER IF PEOPLE ROB YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE ALREADY EXTREMELY POOR (emphasis mine).

Thanks Mom.

I then eventually decide I have to check out and am super nervous to approach the check-out line because I am too embarrassed to admit that I totally got played in a Target and am even more scared they will think I am trying to steal it because I am super afraid of authority figures.
I get through the line and hold onto my curling wand and when the cashier gives me the once over I blurt out "I already paid for this over there with the company reps" and she was like "OK" and then I was like "OK" and I finally let out all that air inside my lungs and she checked me out and I ran to my car and was like "Did I just rob Target? Was this a legitimate sale and I am so jaded and paranoid that I cannot trust two sweet innocent kids randomly selling curling wands from their iPhones in the aisles of Target?"

So two days later and I still keep compulsively checking my bank account. I keep having mini heart attacks every time I do check and I am like "OMG they did take all my money!" and then I realize, "No, I just bought an iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts and that took the last $3 out of my account all on it's own."

Moral of the story: While I may not have gotten robbed, it is generally maybe not the best idea to buy random shit from kids at Target who are not wearing red shirts and khaki pants. Unless this is a new thing that Target is starting but Google could not answer that for me so if anyone has any input, please do share.

And now to answer the question that is on everyone's minds: How is the curling wand?

Oh em gee it's amazing! I actually love it. It's the Stylehouse Curling Wand and looks like this:

It heats up super fast, curls beautifully and is generally super awesome. Totally would have spent $20 on it any day. I am kind of actually happy I got it because I have been on a YouTube binge lately where I watch like 80 hours of these "make-up gurus" and I have been wanting to try and put more than 3 minutes into my make-up and hair routine.

So I guess everything kind of did work out in the end... Which is actually quite rare for me but maybe this was just an incident of the YouTube make-up guru gods looking out for me? Sure let's just go with that...



7 comments:

  1. Oh no!!! That is so confusing - because in so many stores now you CAN pay with a square or a mobile device & they email you the receipt. I tweeted target & you to see what they say, because thats a scam that screws the both of you!

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  2. That really sucks! It's also possible it was stolen and they wanted to get rid of it. Good luck!

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  3. i have a curling wand and it's the BEST THING THAT'S EVER BEEN INVENTED.

    and LOL at your freak out; i would have been freaked out too and been all paranoid that they caught me on camera and are filing a search warrant as we speak!

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  4. lackadaisically-- only one of my most favorite words!! Right after befuddled!

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  5. You are fantastic. I love everything about this story!

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  6. bahahaha i'm dying. this is the first post of yours i've read. and now i'm following forever. LOVE IT.

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  7. Thank you for making my night! haha. I kind of wish I had been a fly on the wall. It could be one of those "dont try this at home" commercials. The incident I mean, not the curling wand. I would also say that I have to go run out and try this curling wand except for the fact that my hair stays curled for the same amount of time you currently spend on your make-up/hair routine. So if by some chance you get stopped again at Target and get a product that magically keeps your hair curled, send it my way...just saying :)

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