Bitchin and Moaning Sometimes Does Work

Before I left for NYC (read my amazing and extremely thorough re-cap here) I wrote a post explaining I would be off having an amazing time IRL ('in real life' for those n00bs out there) I wrote a post that basically contained a teensy paragraph bitching about how I never won a bloggy award. 

Basically I am the Leonardo DiCaprio of the blogging world.  

Then this awesome girl Jenn wrote a comment being like "OMG how funny because I totally nominated you for a Liebster Award" AND before you get all sassy with me it was NOT a pity nomination because she totally wrote that post a couple of hours before I had even published mine. So there. I hope you feel horrible about yourself for thinking I just got a pity nomination. 

So basically the life lesson out of this is just bitch and moan about stuff, and it will happen to you. 

So I was not exactly sure what a Liebster Award was (I just knew I wanted one) so naturally I googled it and found this nugget of information:

The Liebster Award is given to up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. So, what is a Liebster?  The meaning: Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome. Isn't that sweet? Blogging is about building a community and it's a great way to connect with other bloggers and help spread the word about newer bloggers/blogs.

Awesome. I am totally up and coming- my moment is coming any minute now. I most definitely have less than 200 followers. And I am obviously sweet, kind, nice, dear-y, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcoming. So good job, Jenn. You nailed it. I am the epitome of a Liebster. 

So I need to start off my listing 11 random facts about myself. Here goes:

1. Even though nature scares me, when I was 16 I did an Outward Bound program for 30 days and camped in the woods, climbed some mountains along the Appalachian Trail, made fire with rocks and shit and basically didn't shower for 30 days. And because that program is ridiculously expensive, my Mom got me signed up on the juvenile delinquent redirection group from New York City which basically was a bunch of kids who got arrested for some stuff and instead of going to juvey got to spend 30 days in the wilderness to learn the error of their ways and basically scare the shit out of the most suburbany middle-class white girl who ever lived (yes, I am referring to myself). To this day, I still keep in touch with some of them which is kind of hysterical.

2. I think baked macaroni and cheese is a delicacy.

3. As a corollary, if I ever were to strike it rich I would embark on a macaroni and cheese tour of the world. #dreambig

4. I sometimes find myself staring at pictures of models or random girls online for like 40 minutes. At first I thought I might be a lesbian but then I realized I just really like staring at bodies of women who actually do more than 3 sit-ups per week.

5. Actually my Uncle totally thought I was gay until I got my first boyfriend at 19. I went to an all-girls school and then later participated in a Woman's Leadership Program at my university so naturally that meant I was a big 'ole lesbo. I also went to Senior Prom with my best friend as my date and totally posted pictures of us taking traditional prom photos online so I kind of understand how he reached that conclusion.

6. I have absolutely NO retirement savings and it makes me kind of sad.

7. I convinced my college roommate she was being haunted for 2 weeks but had to stop after we made her cry one night. Too bad... it was hysterical.

8. I camped out in the desert and got high with my friends and some random guy we met (IN THE DESERT) for my 21st birthday.

9. I dedicate one day a month to matching up my socks.

10. I have never seen one episode of One Tree Hill or Dawson's Creek and never intend to.

11. I think Jennifer Love Hewitt has amazing boobies.

So I also got tagged in some questions. 

1. What's your Starbucks order?

I am one of the 17 people on Earth who do not go to Starbucks. I also don't really drink anything besides H2O and Shirley Temples so I guess a bottle of water would be my order? With maraschino cherries. 

2. What's your favorite month of the year?

December because it is the day of the birth of our lord and savior.... ME (is that offensive? oops). December 19th!! And yes, I do have a PayPal account so feel free to send cash my way as we get nearer to that date. 

3. What do you want to be "when you grow up"?

Lindsay Lohan's therapist. I feel like we could make some awesome breakthroughs and I would be consistently employed for at least another 30 years. Win-win. 

4. If you could have 1 thing for breakfast every day, what would it be?

Calorie/fat/carb free chocolate chip pancakes. 

5. What was your favorite TV show as a kid?

Lizzie McGuire. And yes, I watched it into my teens way past the age of appropriateness. Not ashamed. 

I totally skipped my first "boy and girl middle school dance" to see this movie premiere with my Uncle. I didn't really peak in my social life until 2 weeks ago. 

6. What's your favorite popsicle flavor?

Strawberry? I cannot remember the last time I had a popsicle, though. 

7. If you went to college, what was your major? If you didn't, what would it have been?

I did go to college and I majored in International Relations with a concentration in conflict and security and minored in History. And no, none of that is relevant and/or useful to what I do now with my life. Thanks Mom and Dad!

8. What's your favorite flower?

I like rainbow colored lotuses with a frog sitting and mediating in the middle. I especially like them when they are tattooed on someone's lower back and I have to see it when they bend over to pick up their ciggies they dropped which may or may not have happened today. 

I put in as much effort photoshopping this horror as the tattoo artist did in making that shitastic tattoo. 

9. What color do you wear the most often?

Black. It's slimming, hides my food stains and allows me to delude myself into thinking that I am "dressed up". 

10. Pepsi or Coke?

Coke.

11. What's your favorite sports team?

These boys:

So thank you again Jenn for nominating me. It was great and now I get to tell my mom that the hours I spend online ARE productive after all. 

And now I get to nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 questions. But I can't choose just 11 (I honestly do not know if I can even name 11 bloggers I know... I am joking, but seriously I hate picking and choosing because it reminds me of the heartache I suffered every year in gym class.) so I am going to be one of those girls and nominate everyone!

My 11 Questions for YOU 

1. Demi or Selena? Defend your choice. 

2. What TV show character do you most identify with?

3. If you had to give up eating chocolate for a year in order to get $1 million would you do it?

4. You have a pencil, a blue bandana, a pack of gum and 5 red Skittles. What would you make with it?

5. What do you see here?

6. Be honest, what do you really think about Miley? Do you miss pre-twerking, bleached blonde and always slightly naked Miley? 

7. Describe your job without actually saying what it is. 

8. You enter a public bathroom with 7 stalls, all of which are empty. From left (stall 1) to right (stall 7), which one do you pick?

9. When you were a child, did you ever have an imaginary friend?

10. Have you ever taped yourself sleeping? If so, were you being haunted? And if so, please tell me more because I think that is super interesting. 

11. You have to get a face tattoo of either "YOLO" on your left cheek or a tattoo of John Stamos on your forehead. Which one do you pick?

So these questions aren't the most... traditional. But I think they are interesting. So if you are bored one day and feeling uninspired- here you go. You are welcome! I may even go ahead and re-nominate myself just so I can answer these fascinating Q's. And thank you again Jenn for nominating me! 

Liebster out!