Today I have a story to tell.
And I am sharing it with you all knowing full well that it makes me look like a complete asshole and a horrible person that should probably never procreate or be deserving of any love or cuddles.
Back in 2009 I went to "study" (I am using this word very loosely) abroad in Tel Aviv, Israel. I had the most amazing roommates and we had a super cool, ultra modern apartment (a rarity in the city).
The apartment was set up like this: You walk in and enter the dining/kitchen area which was basically a small table, a fridge and a small counter with a sink, hotplate and microwave. You keep walking and get into the bathroom which has two separate bathrooms. One on the right and one on the left- each for two people.
Then, off the kitchen area were two large bedrooms. Each bedroom had it's own balcony that was not attached to the other. Here is a crappy picture I made in Paint to show the layout:
Okay so let's meet the cast of characters involved:
On the left there is Jessie, I'm in the middle and on the right is Shawn.
Shawn is sweet and literally she is the nicest person you will meet in your life. She is kind, such a giving person and has an aura of sunshine and butterflies around her...
... She is the type of person who will dance- like a bird- in the streets of Jerusalem with you at 1 in the morning and never even think to judge you for it...
.... She plays card games with children....
... Which is why Jessie and I spent the entire semester torturing her and doing things like putting her in the corner and making her cry.
As if you needed more proof I am a horrible person.
So one night Jessie and I were bored and I had heard about this movie called Paranormal Activity. I had read about it was all the craze back in the States and saw it had an Israeli director so I was like "Jessie let's watch this scary movie and call it a cultural experience because some Israeli guy made it".
So we cuddled in bed and freaked the eff out and basically loved it. We were terrified that night and even slept in the same bed because we are a couple of pathetic little girls.
Then in the morning we tried to convince Shawn to watch the movie with us that night but she kept refusing because she hated scary movies and so Jessie and I were like, "Unacceptable." And then over some drinks later that day, we came up with a plan.
We were going to convince Shawn she was being haunted.
Because Shawn is such a wonderfully sweet person, she was also super gullible. In other words: a perfect target.
We started that night. Shawn and I shared a room and Jessie was in the other room. Deep in the night at like 2AM, Jessie had her alarm set to wake up and turn all the faucets in the apartment on. I "woke" up and turned them off and then "went back to sleep". Ten minutes later it would happen again, except this time the door to the bathroom slammed which woke up Shawn. She went out to explore, saw all the faucets on and turned them off. The next morning she asked who had left all the faucets on and slammed the door and we all played dumb.
That was night one.
We decided to take a break the next night and on night 3 we were at it again. This time Jessie timed it so she would slam our bedroom door open and shut and then sneak back into her room. All of us would wake up and be like "Yo, WTF?" except no one would admit to doing it. This went on a couple more times that night and with some additional lights turning off and on if Jessie got inspired.
Throughout the day we would also try to do little things to creep Shawn out. We would randomly move her things around or leave faucets on- the usual.
But then we decided we needed to step it up. We had to make this psychological. That is where my mind-fuck expertise came in. I started talking to Shawn about how I felt I "wasn't myself" and how I felt like something negative was always around me- like a dark cloud. I basically started acting like I was on a really bad acid trip.
During this time our apartment complex was under construction and to shield the pathway to our building from the construction, they had constructed a metal gate that created a path from the street to the building. You couldn't see through the metal and it was really winding so there were a lot of hidden nooks that you couldn't see in the dark. Because of how creepy and dangerous it was, we all called it the "Ralley" which was basically Rape + Alley= Ralley.
One night Shawn said she was going to go for a run at night. Jessie and I knew this would be our chance. Jessie said she was going to go take a nap and closed her door. While Shawn was changing she ran out and hid in the Ralley. As Shawn went out she started making noises and saying over and over again in a really low voice "We are the ones who dwell within!" Not relevant to anything whatsoever.
And because Jessie was behind the Ralley, Shawn couldn't see her and was totally freaked. Needless to say she had a short run that night.
Haunting Shawn had consumed Jessie and I. We had all these elaborate plans and dreams and our piece de resistance was night seven. Each room had their own balcony which was only accessible by entering the room. You could not access the balcony any other way.
You could, however, use a broom handle to move the sliding door open from the outside if you stand on your tippy toes from the other balcony. Which, if you were already under the impression you were being haunted and scared as shit, would appear as if a ghost is opening your balcony door because there is no one on the balcony. It was seriously scary and even though I am giggling as I write this, I am also seeing how I am an awful person.
Shawn immediately woke up when she heard the door sliding and was super freaked out. We did it a couple more times and I had the TV remote so I would also simultaneously secretly turn the TV off and on. Super creepy.
Shawn didn't sleep that night and I pretended not to as well so I could show her I was also super freaked out. It took EVERYTHING out of me to not burst out laughing.
We did the balcony thing the next night as well and I got so worked up in the drama I even started crying one night which totally freaked her out. The next day, though, Shawn looked like shit and skipped all her classes for that day and Jessie and I finally got a conscious and revealed to her the truth of her fake haunting.
And because Shawn is the biggest sweetheart she wasn't even mad but even admitted it was kind of hilarious even though I am sure there is a part of her that secretly hates us.
We are all still friends even though Shawn deleted all her social media to go and live on a farm in Colorado (maybe to recover from her traumatic experience of living with us she-devils?) and had a life-changing and incredible experience living together. Jessie and I still love to reminisce about that time we tortured our beloved friend over some beers and cheese fries
So what is the moral of this story? Basically I am a horrible person and do not deserve at all to have any friends because I will torture you and make your life miserable. But I am a really good cuddler and an excellent big spoon, so it all comes out in the wash.