I have depression.
I am not depressed because N SYNC broke up and I really feel like Justin has been an ass to the other boys and it kind of hurts me inside, I have depression.
And it seems like when I drop that bomb of truth everyone is like "OHMYGOD no you're not depressed! You're so much fun!" and automatically assumes that people with depression just wear a lot of eyeliner, stays in their room all day and writes awful poetry. And are not super fun like me.
For some reason or another mental illness has been seriously stigmatized in our society and I am totally guilty in that. I have struggled with depression my whole life and have been embarrassed and ashamed to have to admit I have this disease (why could I not just have chlamydia like all the other girls in school?!?). For a lot of people, depression was something that happened for 3-6 months after a loved one died and then you woke up one day and simply got over it.
"What do I have to be depressed about?" I used to wonder, "I have great parents, an almost complete collection of Lisa Frank stickers and I have never been assaulted/molested/attempted murdered... Nada".
Eventually I realized that I had a chemical inbalance and that shit needed to get fixed. There was no point in trying to solve it myself with some yoga and Ben & Jerry's- sometimes you just got suck it up and get some professional help.
And I am not embarrassed or ashamed to admit it.
Depression manifests itself in a myriad of ways. Yes, you can sad and dejected and lose interest in life. But you can also feel perfectly normal but have no energy to go out and smell the roses, to say. Which is why depression can sometimes be tricky to catch... Because you don't actually have to be sad to be depressed.
Once I understood this, I finally "got" it. And with that understanding also came peace and just an attitude of "I'm over being bothered by this shit. I can't do anything about it. I am not going to apologize for it." And for me, I can't even say that "it sucks" because my depression doesn't suck. I have lived with it for a gazillion years and it has made me the person I am- which is basically a pessimistic, cynical bitch and I love that! I am an awful, horrible person and I am in love with myself- all parts included.