22 September 2013

Making Love Like Gorillas is Apparently a Thing Now?

I was going to stick to my normal Sunday Social but the questions this week were about purses and the only purse I carry around is a $5 bright pink messenger bag stuffed with books and candy wrappers. I do have a purse I carry around for work but there's nothing really different except there are slightly less books and significantly more candy bars.

Anywho as I was on my way to work this morning around 6:15am, I heard this song on the radio:





Now I am no prude (who am I kidding, I totally am- I refused to say the word "vagina" until my senior year of college and still now refer to it as my "woohoo" when I visit the gynecologist. I will be 25 years old in December), but this song is dirrrrrty. Like Christina Aguilera circa 2002 dirty.

Yeah I got a fistful of your hair
But you dont look like you're scared
You're just smiling tell me daddy it's yours
Cause you know how I like it you's a dirty little lover
If the neighbors call the cops, call the sheriff,
call the SWAT we don't stop,
we keep rocking while they knocking on our door
And you're screaming give it to me baby
Give it to me m-therf-cker

You and me baby making love like gorillas
You and me baby making love like gorillas
 
 
First of all, I was preeeetty sure Bruno Mars was asexual. I mean, he wears a fedora like 90% of the time and wrote the most friend-zoned song in the world where he would totally take a grenade for you, but you would probably still and bone some other guy because you- like everyone else in the world- thought Bruno Mars' anatomy was basically this:
 
 
Basically I cannot picture this guy:
 
 
Making love like these guys:
 
 
 
You're welcome for that image. If you are looking for more, feel free to Google "gorilla sex" and then go and wash your eyes out with Clorox.
 
This is basically all Bruno Mars' fault.
 
Bruno - stick to what you are good at: making cute, romantic songs and then having all girls fall for you only to realize that you may just be better as a friend because at the end of the day we don't want someone to catch a grenade for us, we basically just want someone to tell us we're fat, take us to the 2 for $20 special at Applebee's and then fall asleep snoring while we tell him why Brenda at work is such a bitch... Right?
 
 
 

3 comments:

  1. This reminds me of the line in Legally Blonde where the ex-wife uses the term "humped like gorillas."

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  2. Oh gosh this made me laugh waaaay too hard! Btw I'm so glad I'm not the only one who is super chill when it comes to purses.

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  3. haha, yes! You know what's weird, though? He totally looks like a gorilla. That's all I can think about when I hear this song!

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