NYCCCCCCC

Tomorrow morning I am leaving for NYC which will mean a couple of things:

1. I will be having fun and eating a lot of food and then justifying said binge eating by walking two blocks and thus burning any calories I had previously consumed (That is how it works, right?) 

2. I will be taking an obnoxious amount of photos. 

3. I will be AWOL online. 

In order to wean you off of having me with you every night and day.... I have here, for you, the 5 Stages of Grief (because obviously all seven (okay... three) of my loyal readers will undoubtedly be suffering in my absence (right?). 

The first stage: Denial and Isolation

"No she didn't really leave us, did she?"

"I feel so alone."

"My life means nothing now".

I get it. You're in denial. I also am in denial about many things in life (Calories don't count if you stand up while eating, right?) You may be feeling alone. Abandoned. I understand cause it's kind of true. I totally left you to go have an amazing time in New York and gorge myself on deep dish pizza. 

The second stage: Anger 

"How dare that little bitch/tart/meanie leave us?"

At this stage you may feel resentment and anger toward me for (temporarily) leaving you. It's OK- I understand. Just take solace in the fact that I am having an incredible time and probably nearing morbid obesity from my daily visits to Crumbs cupcakes. You may be angry, but you can never stay mad too long at a fatty.

3. Bargaining

Maybe if I nominate her for a Liebster Award, she'll come back? (I won't fight you if you do nominate me, seeing as I have NEVER been nominated for a bloggy award and let's face it: this shit here is pretty much Pulitzer Prize material) 

You will try to combat your feelings of helplessness and vulnerability in order to get me back. You will wonder, "If only I had written more comments" or "If only I had tweeted her back and confirmed that she is indeed a better singer than Miley" (that one is a trick- no one is a better singer than Miley) maybe she wouldn't have abandoned me to go to New York. Don't try it, it won't work and will just make you even more miserable. I will be holed up in an amazing $6 million apartment across from Central Park (thanks Uncle Tom!) so yeah, I won't be coming back for at least a week. And please believe me when I say- it's me, not you. 

4. Depression

"I'm so sad Jessica isn't here. I'm going to go eat a dozen donuts and weep in my room to Tori Amos"

This is where you realize I really will not be blogging for a week. There will be no random lists, no posts about Moose and no fun weekend recaps where I talk about how I worked 14 hours straight. 

To help you get through this stage, I suggest reading other amazing blogs written by other like-minded sassy queens like Adriana at Dog Hair is an Accessory and Emily at Sassy in Sequins to help you fill that undeniable crater-sized void in your soul. 

5. Acceptance 

"Ok, whatever her blog was kind of weird anyways. I'm going to go get some froyo".

At this stage you have accepted that I will be gone for a week and have gotten over it. You may have even reached this step and skipped numbers #1-4. Actually that is probably the most likely scenario. Good for you- you have no heart. 

Be back sometime next week! Don't forget about me!

Perks of Dating a Mexican

In the past almost two years of dating Pedro, I have seen that there have been many perks to dating a Mexican. In addition to him being an amazing person and confusingly patient, he is also a proud full-blooded Mexican. While Mexicans continually get a bad rap here in the States, I decided to focus on the many positive qualities that come from dating a Mexican man. 

1. Tacos.

This one is self explanatory. Tacos are delicious and because my boyfriend is Mexican, he has a genetic predisposition which causes him to crave them which basically means that tacos are a major food group in our house.

2. We know somewhere everywhere we go.

Every time we step out of our apartment, Pedro will inevitably run into someone he knows. I am convinced there is some secret newsletter that goes around to all Mexicans which is how they all know each other. In reality it is probably just because they are social and that is not something I excel at. But this is a great perk because it makes me look popular and forces me to put effort into my appearance on the rare occasion we do leave our apartment.

3. When you marry them, you will automatically gain 10,000 new family members.

10,000 is a slight exaggeration... but not really. Pedro has gone through his entire family with me at least a dozen times and I still have no idea who half of them are. It doesn't help that 98% of them have three or more names first names. And seeing as how I grew up with half my family living on another continent and the other half we politely ignored, I think it will be fun to have a new massive family/constantly available babysitters.

4. Your boyfriend speaks Spanish.

Which let's face it... super sexy.

5. You always get invited to parties. 

Well, technically it is your boyfriend who gets the invite but as the plus one you still get to go. And Mexicans have awesome blow-outs for everything: birthdays (I have decided the theme for my upcoming 25th birthday will be the quincenera that I never had complete with pink puffy dress), weddings, births, Thursdays... and the list goes on. And the best part is, you usually never even need to be officially invited. Sometimes you can just show up and nobody will kick you out. And the best best part? Sometimes the parties even have... tacos.

Any of you lucky ladies snag yourself a Mexican? Enjoy tacos? Like my quincenera dress?

Tall Tails: My Dog is a Terrorist

This week I am linking up with Adriana at Dog Hair is an Accessory and Katie at Understated Whimsy for this Tuesday's link-up:

Now I have a furbaby named Moose, or as my father affectionately calls him, "that little terrorist". Moose is a destroyer. He will eat and tear apart anything. He has chewed through our carpet, dug a hole in our mattress, eaten at least 10 pairs of shoes, destroyed three dog beds and numerous toys. Oh and some pillows, too.

Now doesn't he look cute and innocent behind bars like that? Those are lies. From the day he came home, he was our little destroyer.

Moose loves anything with stuffing and he gets endless satisfaction out of destroying it and spreading that fluffy white crap throughout the house.

I have a small collection of some of the random things Moose has destroyed throughout his (extremely) short life:

A pillow. 

Rolls of paper towels. Please note that there are three different toys in the picture and yet he chooses to chew the paper towels.

He went through a phase where he ate his puppy pee pads.

One of the worst. A puppy pee pad AND my coupon collection. I was livid. To this day, I have no idea how he even got the coupons from the counter to the floor. 

My favorite sandals. One of 6 pairs of sandals he ate this season (including THREE pairs of flip flops I kept re-purchasing). 

I have no idea why Moose is so inspired to destroy. He loves paper products and anything with stuffing. I theorize that it is just generally satisfying to tear an entire roll of toilet paper apart and strew it throughout the house. I've never tried it, so who knows? Maybe Moose is rebelling because I torture him and do stupid stuff like this in the name of "bonding":

But even though Moose is our little destroyer, we still love him and he is and always will be our little baby boy. Even if it isn't so little anymore...

Once a baby, always a baby.