SUNDAY FUNDAY

It's time for Sunday Social! I have already established I have become an awful blogger. BUT I picked up an overnight shift every Wednesday SO I will have 13 hours to dedicate to blogging and doing homework and streaming all my YouTube videos and other completely ridiculous- but necessary- things I need to do in life. 

1. What is your dream job?  My dream job would be in refugee resettlement on a large scale- so maybe working for the United Nations. I've already decided I look good in baby blue so sign me up, baby.  2. If you had just won the lottery and didn’t need to work for money, what would you do with your time?  Let's be honest... I would probably do nothing. But then I would get bored and want to do something else. I would probably travel for awhile and then settle somewhere finally. I would love to work on reform of education and my dream would be to establish free private schools where education- not testing results- are a priority in underprivileged areas. #socialworker4lyfe 3. What piece of career advice would you give to someone just starting out in your field?  Be ready to be poor for the rest of your life! And don't be alarmed if you slowly begin to become an alcoholic!  4. What would be your ideal “just for fun” job?  I would love to write a travel blog for the best mac and cheese's around the world.  5. What was your first “real” job? I was 13 and worked after school at a local non-profit doing data entry and stuffing envelopes. Sad thing is- I get paid the same amount now 12 years later. That might be the most depressing fact of my life.  Happy Sunday folks!

The Things I Do When I Am Alllllll Alone

There are plenty of weird things about me. Whatever I embrace them. 

Lately I have been obsessed with watching haul videos on YouTube. 

I will watch any kind of haul, too. I am particularly partial to hauls of places where I shop like Forever 21, Target, Ulta, CVS and of course, the Dollar Tree.

I watch these damn videos for hours. I honestly have no idea why. 

But then I noticed a weird thing started happening....

I would go shopping and come home, sit down on my couch and go through my bag and describe everything I had bought, why I had bought it (usually the word "cute" was used at least half a dozen times) and when I would wear it and with what. I would do this with everything- makeup, clothes, pens, even food after grocery shopping. 

I would literally just talk about all this random shit I had just bought to absolutely no one. 

The sad thing is is that I didn't even notice that I had been doing it until yesterday when I got a gigantic package from ELF and started picking up each thing out of the box and elaborately describing it. I finally heard the batshit craziness that was coming out of my mouth .... and I kept going. 

This experience has taught me a few things about myself. Namely that I am well on my way to becoming batshit crazy and secondly, I spend way too much time alone. Even though I am technically surrounded by people all day and literally talking all day, I am in the human services field so I am basically always talking about the other person. It's always about them, their day and their problems. I always steer the conversation back if it does get too focused on me because we need to maintain our boundaries and if I were to get started talking about myself, I probably wouldn't stop. 

So yes, I make invisible haul videos to no one in particular and I enjoy it. It's weird, kind of creepy and a huge waste of my time. But I love it so I will continue on doing it and I am not even ashamed to admit it seeing as how I just announced this creepy fetish to the entire blog world and all 15,000 45 of my readers. 

Have a great week, folks!

Making Love Like Gorillas is Apparently a Thing Now?

I was going to stick to my normal Sunday Social but the questions this week were about purses and the only purse I carry around is a $5 bright pink messenger bag stuffed with books and candy wrappers. I do have a purse I carry around for work but there's nothing really different except there are slightly less books and significantly more candy bars.

Anywho as I was on my way to work this morning around 6:15am, I heard this song on the radio:

Now I am no prude (who am I kidding, I totally am- I refused to say the word "vagina" until my senior year of college and still now refer to it as my "woohoo" when I visit the gynecologist. I will be 25 years old in December), but this song is dirrrrrty. Like Christina Aguilera circa 2002 dirty.

Yeah I got a fistful of your hair

But you dont look like you're scared

You're just smiling tell me daddy it's yours

Cause you know how I like it you's a dirty little lover

If the neighbors call the cops, call the sheriff,

call the SWAT we don't stop,

we keep rocking while they knocking on our door

And you're screaming give it to me baby

Give it to me m-therf-cker

You and me baby making love like gorillas

You and me baby making love like gorillas

 

 

First of all, I was preeeetty sure Bruno Mars was asexual. I mean, he wears a fedora like 90% of the time and wrote the most friend-zoned song in the world where he would totally take a grenade for you, but you would probably still and bone some other guy because you- like everyone else in the world- thought Bruno Mars' anatomy was basically this:

 

 

Basically I cannot picture this guy:

 

 

Making love like these guys:

 

 

 

You're welcome for that image. If you are looking for more, feel free to Google "gorilla sex" and then go and wash your eyes out with Clorox.

 

This is basically all Bruno Mars' fault.

 

Bruno - stick to what you are good at: making cute, romantic songs and then having all girls fall for you only to realize that you may just be better as a friend because at the end of the day we don't want someone to catch a grenade for us, we basically just want someone to tell us we're fat, take us to the 2 for $20 special at Applebee's and then fall asleep snoring while we tell him why Brenda at work is such a bitch... Right?

 

 

 

What life is like once you stop having one

Full disclosure: this is going to be a whiny and moderately obnoxious post about how I'm super busy, am seriously neglecting personal hygiene and am slowly morphing into a miserable bitch. But there's gifs so lets call it even? Everyone loves gifs.

I started my clinic internship this week. And it is not what I expected. Because let's face it- expectations suck. 

 

I spent one day of my internship outing away clothes and another trying to track down Oscar winning actress viola Davis. Yeah because this is what social workers do- Google stalk celebrities.

Whatever moving on. I also decided that I hate life and joy an anything good in life so I picked up a Wednesday 14 hour overnight shift every week. This will most assuredly fuck up my sleep schedule and put an extra $130 in my pocket each week. Home girl needs to pay her bills.

So in whatever free time I did have this week, I spent it getting gross sloppy kisses from my dog and crying hysterically to YouTube videos like this:

Oh and did I mention that I have my period this week?

Excuse me while I go and rock back and forth in a corner for the next 4 hours or basically the amount of time before I get to go back home, tuck myself into bed and finally end this dreadful day that began at 5:30am this morning. 

OK- my pity party is over. 

Now that I have a somewhat idea of what my life will be like, I am going to get better at time management and all that shit so I can actually dedicate time to returning emails and blogging because I love this shit and miss it. 

How do you guys balance life? What's the secret? Is it cocaine? Because I am totally willing to go down that route if you guys recommend it....

Sunday Social: My Humble Beginnings

It's Sunday. You know the drill. 

1. What is the name if your blog?

A Different Kind of Plan

2. What do you love most about blogging?

'Meeting' amazing other bloggers out there who have a much better sense of fashion than I do. And also these super flattering and completely random Anonymous spam comments that I have been getting recently and no- I will not delete them because deep down, I believe that they really do mean those sweet, simple, words. Such prose and poetry to my ears. 

3. Why did you start blogging?

Like most bloggers, I was bored one day and decided that today would be the day I make a sincere and conscious effort to waste hours of my precious time writing stupid posts about how I watch 10 hours of Family Guy a day and evil things I do to my roommates.

4. What is something you’d want to tell someone just starting out in the blog world?

Guys just ignore the haterz!

I'm kidding. I hate when people say that. If someone disagrees with you- they are not a hater. They are just one of the gazillion billion people on this planet who happen to have an opinion that happens to differ from yours. Please, do not dedicate your life (or even a blog post) about how "haters gonna hate". It makes me judge you. And no I am not a hater- I am just your average, run of the mill bitch. 

5. Biggest blogging learning experience you’ve had?

I love exchanging Cara Boxes with bloggers. I have had such positive experiences. I was at first apprehensive that someone would come and kill me if I ever gave out my address, but then I was like "Buttttttt I really want a box filled with fun and awesome stuff!!" and because I am nothing if not a whore for boxes filled with random things, I decided to take the risk and have met some pretty amazing ladies!

6. What are three blogs you love?

This is tough. But I absolutely adore:

• Kathy at Vodka and Soda

She is hilarious and so inspirational. Her body is diesel and she is one of- if not THE- funniest blogger out there. And she swears, which I appreciate. She is also the best comment-leaver and such a dedicated reader. I have a big girl crush on her and always picture her body at the gym when I am sweating/crying. I don't care if that sounds weird! I can't help it!

• Jamie at You Gotta Have Heart

Jamie is one of the nicest and most sincere bloggers you will ever meet. She is also incredibly inspirational and so wonderfully honest in her writing: it is so refreshing. 

• I also am a fan of Candace at Healthy Happy Quirky Sappy

Speaking of girl crushes (am I not the creepiest person on all of blogland?) I am a huge fan of Candace. She has the voice of an angel basically and is as obsessed with Orange is the New Black as I am. She also posts recipes and while I usually ignore all recipe posts- I actually like hers because they look delicious.

• I am also going to pick a fourth one and that is Kelly at Petite Ramblings. 

I have been reading her recently and I was worried we wouldn't have a lot in common because I am tall and she is short but she really shattered all those short people stereotypes I had! She always has super random posts that I love to read and is always having fun on Instagram which is my newest obsession. 

I have a ton more blogs I love and stalk and am happy to always find more which is also why I love Sunday Social because I get to meet other cool ladies out there. Happy Sunday guys!

What Yom Kippur Means to Me

Every Yom Kippur we turn to those around us and we ask for forgiveness, adorn ourselves in white clothing and refrain from eating or drinking. Yom Kippur becomes a day in which we are likened to angels and it is the only time of the year in which we say the second verse of the Shema out loud as opposed to the 364 other days of the year in which we recite this prayer under our breath, as it was “stolen” from the angels. The twenty-five hour fast of Yom Kippur is broken with an elaborate meal and thus we continue on with our lives, all our sins forgiven, a blank slate.

I remember the days of Yom Kippur as being extra miserable for me as I would not only mourn my sins, but also the chocolate chip muffin I knew was just waiting for me to be eaten back at home. I would find myself staring miserably at the food in the cupboard, just begging me to take one little nibble. I would resentfully slam the door and nap until the onset of the evening service. Then as the time came near to hear the blowing of the shofar, I would make a run for the dining room and grab possession of my plate in preparation for the feast that I would indulge in. For me, Yom Kippur meant a day of seemingly endless suffering as I would struggle to avoid eating and find ways to make the long hours fly by.

For my family, however, Yom Kippur is something even more. Yom Kippur marks the anniversary of the 1973 war fought between Israel and a coalition of Arab states backed by Egypt and Syria. On this day, forty years ago, a surprise attack was launched on the holiest day in the Jewish calendar: Yom Kippur. The State of Israel was unprepared for such a brazen offensive and the entire country was thrown in to a panic. Egypt and Syria crossed cease-fire lines entering into the Israeli held Sinai Peninsula and Golan Heights. The Israelis quickly rallied and launched a counter-defensive and managed to push both the Egyptians and Syrians back. The war, however, had ended with the Arab states feeling vindicated after their humiliating defeat back in 1967 and the Israelis disheartened and no longer invincible.

It was also on this day thirty seven years ago that my father was sent to the frontlines of Egypt as a member of the Israeli Defense Forces. Each Yom Kippur my family would notice how my father would tense up and shadows would cross his face as we spent the day praying in the synagogue. I could always see a shadow of sadness in his eyes even as he would sit in the shul, his head deep in thought as he would sneak a candy in to his mouth while the Hazzan sang his mournful lamentations. Whenever I would dart a dirty look at him, he would smile and say, “I just need something sweet to taste”. He would open his pocket and I would find an assortment of sugared candies just waiting for me to indulge in, but I would adamantly shake my head and silently feel victorious in my own personal struggle to resist any food from crossing into my mouth.

Yom Kippur, I’ve found, is truly a bittersweet day for both my father and me; it marks the day that all of our sins are erased, and yet we are still left with the memories of those sins. And that epitomizes the most truly frustrating aspect of Yom Kippur; the fact that we are forgiven for our transgressions, and we are still burdened by the memory of them.

Just like my father is still haunted by his memories from the war thirty seven years ago, I am also haunted with the pain I caused the ones I loved, the mean words I said of others, the countless times I could have helped someone in need and I chose not to.

So, what does Yom Kippur mean to me? As I’ve grown older, Yom Kippur has begun to become less about not getting my daily bowl of Cheerios and more about transforming my past sins into future promises of change for myself. Yet, it also means that when I say my selichot, or prayers for forgiveness, I must also learn that while my slate is being wiped clean, I will still remember the hurt that I caused others. And it will be this realization that will prevent me from making those same mistakes again. And while memories of hurt that we received from others and pain that we caused are a deep burden that we must carry throughout our lives, I have learned from my father that the best thing to do is to accept- and even welcome- the pain. And in those moments of true weakness that we do have-  in which one more hour of fasting seems like an impossible task or in which the pain of our past transgressions hurts us more than words can describe-  we can’t let the difficulty overcome us so that we lose the true meaning of forgiveness and redemption. Instead, we must smile and sneak a little piece of candy to remind us of the true and constant sweetness that our lives possess.

My Boyfriend Thinks I am a Lesbian

Yesterday over a fancy-shmancy lunch over at Friendly's with mah boo, we saw a young woman walk in wearing nothing but booty shorts and a sports bra. Pedro is very well-trained and quickly averted his eyes and said something to the effect of "You are so much prettier". Basically I trained him in the Pavlovian tradition but instead of using bells to trigger him, it would be any and all human beings who happened to own vaginas. 

Anyways, I saw her and was like "Ohemgee look at her abs! They are gorgeous". And indeed they were. Then I was like, "She looks like some celebrity who has really full lips, too." and then I spent like 30 minutes Googling celebrities with nice abs and big lips. All the while Pedro is staring at me and wondering if he should be concerned. 

I have a weird obsession with staring at pictures of girls for long periods of time. And sure I could totally be gay but I have zero sexual interest when I look at these pictures. I basically just stare at them the same way I would stare at a couple of chickens playing Marco Polo- in complete and utter fascination. 

Here is a video demonstration of basically every thought that goes through my head when I see a good-looking or even mildly attractive woman pass by way:

Jenna Marbles basically captures every feeling inside me. 

And explains it in a way much more eloquently than me telling Pedro.. "Mm I don't think I am gay but I do picture most girls I see completely naked and wonder what kind of moisturizer they are using to give them that dewy skin."

So whatever. Maybe like I have lesbian eyes because I sure as hells spend about 99% of my time looking at girls online and 1% looking at Ryan Gosling and that's only because I am a meme whore.

Here's some social work humor for you. 

How To Have a Productive Day Off

Now that I am in school, at an internship three times a week and working, I have basically become a slave to the establishment. My hours of endlessly pretend online shopping where I would fill my cart with $500 worth of clothes just to exit out of that browser three hours later are sadly over. 

If you can even believe it, I haven't even watched a polar bear YouTube clip in like two weeks. #sadbuttrue

So this new schedule has forced me to be more aware of my time management skills (or lack thereof) and try to become a productive person. 

This past day off I noticed I had been really productive and because I am nothing if not generous, I decided to share with you my tips for being productive. 

How To Have a Productive Day Off

So on my day off I woke up at 5:30am like every other day the past two weeks. Because of that damn internal clock (and the fact I forgot the turn my alarm clock off for that day) I woke up determined to conquer the day and whatnot. 

So first is breakfast. But I am too lazy so I decide to hold off on that and drink some water instead and hop on the couch. 

Two hours of Family Guy and I have decided it is time for breakfast. Let's make an omelet. 

I chop up some onions and they start to make me cry. Back to the couch for more Family Guy. 

Now it's 8:00am. Mmm I should go to the gym. And because I wear gym clothes the minute I get home every day for the sheer comfort and joy I get out of basically getting to wear spanx in public, I am all set to go. Oh, but I need to put on my contacts and still brush my teeth. That sounds like a daunting task, let's just sit on the couch some more and think about it. 

Family Guy. 

I realize it's closing 10:30am. I am hungry. I decide to just combine breakfast and lunch to optimize my time and productivity and continue on with my omelet creating adventure. Onion is chopped. I could add mushrooms but that would require more chopping and if I am to be productive today, I can't waste my time chopping. Onion omelette it is. 

I eat my delicious omelette and now decide, due mainly to the onions, it is time to brush my teeth finally. 

Contacts can wait. 

Now I need to clean. I do three dishes and quickly get exhausted. Even though I am having a productive morning so far, it is tiring. A nap may be in the cards today. 

Okay, fine. Let's take a nap. 

A nap turns into three hours and it is now 2pm. Should I go to the gym now? It will probably be empty.

Or I could clean. I read in Marie Claire that cleaning can burn like 5,000 calories or something. That seems like a more productive use of my time. 

Clean three more dishes. Spray Lysol on couch. Shuffle random papers into one pile. 

I decide to reward my productivity with some time online to catch up on the news and educate myself so I can be an even more productive and contributing member of society. 

I spend the next two hours on DogShaming.com. 

It's 5pm now and I am hungry. All that work has stirred up my appetite. It is my day off after all, so let's go gourmet. I make boxed macaroni and cheese and by the time my labor is done, I decide that I can leave the dishes for tomorrow. But because I am productive and whatnot I DO put some water and soap in them to let them "soak" for the next 8 days. 

Now I realize Pedro will be coming home from work soon. Should I shower? That doesn't sound productive. I grab the Lysol and twirl around in the anti-bacterial toxic fumes. Now I smell like roses that have been sitting too long in a hospital room. Perfect. 

All this hard work and macaroni and cheese has tuckered me out. I decide to reward my productivity with some couch time while I watch some more Family Guy and wait for Pedro to get home so I can tell him all about my awesomely productive day. 

And that's how it is done folks. 

Please- do not feel pressured to try and compete with this at all. Achieving this level of productivity has taken me years to master. It is a delicate balance between hard work and making sure you take some time out of your day for "me time" where you can just re-center yourself and focus on nature and whatever. If you guys do have any questions for me, please leave them in the comments and I will do my best to respond to them in a timely fashion but as you can see above- my days are VERY busy so it may take 5-7 weeks. 

Sunday Social: Fall Edition

 

I love Sunday Social. Basically Neely just tells you what to write and you do it and I am nothing if a bind follower who will do anything strangers tell me (I am ripe for the picking prospective cult leaders!), so it is perfect for me.

 

1. What is your favorite fall activity?

My favorite fall activity is pretty much the same as my favorite winter, spring and summer activity: napping.

 

But for a more season-specific activity, I love apple picking. I have never been apple picking but I feel like I love it and I am from Massachusetts so the fact that I have never actually gone apple picking is kind of inexcusable except for the fact that I am irrationally afraid of snakes and avoid nature-like areas like the plague.

2. Do you follow a football team?

No. No I do not.

3. What is something fun about fall in your area?

We have this place called the Big Apple where they have apple picking and whatnot. But I just go for the apple donuts and caramel apples- basically unhealthy things that I justify as healthy because they have some apple in them.

4. What are your favorite fall staple outfits?

I love me some skinny jeans and booties. Simple but comfy. I also wear leggings as pants and am unapologetic. They are comfortable and easily transition from day to night. And by easily transition from day to night, I mean I can collapse in my bed still wearing them and justify it because they are leggings which are basically the same thing as pajamas.

 

 

5. What things are his looking forward to most about this coming fall season?

Leaves. Boston is so pretty in the fall. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and cuddles and isn't there a Hunger Games movie coming?

6. What is your favorite fall holiday?

Thanksgiving duh. It's my favorite holiday ever. I get to eat and nap and then go shopping at 4 in the morning. It's my fantasy come to life.

 

 

Thanks for stopping by guys! I am off for work and then slaving over my homework all day!

What I've Been Up To Besides Google Stalking Kerry Washington

So this week was a doozy. 

I had my internship begin yesterday and I still am not 100% sure what I will be doing there but they have a candy jar at the front desk so I am all set.

I also have found a new addiction because I am idiot and saw Scandal on Netflix and was like "Oh, I've heard about that I should check it out". 

Wrong. 

Hours. Days of my life are gone. 

I am even watching it as I am typing this up now. 

I am also drinking Pellegrino because my Uncle dropped off a shit ton of it and I don't even think I like it but I don't really drink alcohol and it makes me feel fancy at zero calories. 

Anywho don't watch Scandal because it's amazing and wonderful and unicorns and Kerry Washington is flawless and I have been Googling pictures of her and her flawless skin for 8 hours and hate myself even more now. 

So that is what is up with me. So basically nothing. Tomorrow I have off (whee!) and my big plan for the day is to conquer the stairmaster at the gym and eat some shrimp. 

Why do I blog again? I promise to be more interesting once I finish the remaining 10 episodes of Scandal and can be free from my addiction. 

Huck + Quinn 4ever

Sunday Social!

It's Sunday which means it's time again for Sunday Social. Sunday is apparently the only day I actually am social especially considering because I literally did not leave my parent's house yesterday. I had great plans for myself: going to the gym, hitting up the Dollar Tree, maybe getting some froyo. Then I discovered my parents had Lifetime Movie Network and I got a glass of some milk in me and all of a sudden nap time happened and then it was 9pm and I was gone for the night. And I quite literally did not utter a single word to a human being that entire day.

It was fantastic.*

   

1. What was your favorite trip/vacation/activity this summer?

Definitely New York City, mainly because it was the only trip/vacation I took. It was also a lot of fun and I ate a lot of food which for me is always a good time.

2. What was your favorite outfit look/clothing item of the summer?

I was just a fan of not having to put socks on every morning. Socks is such an extra step for me that, while necessary, seems so time consuming and just a complicated task for the early morning.

3. What is one thing you wish you’d gotten to do this summer?

How about going to the beach? Or like swimming in general? Yeah, none of that happened. THANKS summer school/work!

4. What was your favorite song of the summer?

It changes every day. I know everyone is going to probably say "Blurred Lines" BUT I really liked Little Mix's new song basically because it reminds me of the 90's and I really enjoyed that period.

5. What was your favorite movie/tv show of the summer?

I found Orange is the New Black this Summer so I am counting that. I stalk the actresses online and randomly Google images of them when I can't sleep at 4 in the morning. My favorite character is Daya:

Isn't she beautiful?

 

Also on a side note did you know that Jackie Cruz who plays Flaca is also the same girl that Kourtney Kardashian decided to make out with on Khloe and Kourtney take Miami? I bet you didn't....

 

Anyways that's it for me- I gots to get back to my work because suddenly I have my clinical internship and school this week. When did that happen?

 

Goodbye Summer. You weren't really that memorable or even that exciting but I had some pretty epic naps and caught up on my Lifetime movies, so a good time was obviously had by all.

 

 

 

 

*I would like to clarify that although I sound like a recluse shut-in, I am not (though it isn't something I will completely rule out for my future, either). I just enjoy solace and have a job where getting yelled/bitched at is the norm and sometimes, I like to hibernate in my room for long periods of time with a sleeve of Oreos and a half carton of milk.